I experienced many emotions today.

Have you ever experienced those days where you were just being yourself, happy and alive, and then in a blink of an eye, you just feel empty or you feel many emotions at once?

Nothing particular happened though, it was just a normal day, and there was nothing that could have made me particularly sad.

It is just what happens when you compare yourselves to the people around you, and realize that you are lagging behind all those people.

I applied for a Junior Councilor position in the CEATSG. Luckily, I got accepted! I went to campus to meet them and to be briefed for the plans this second semester. That was Last Tuesday. Today was branding day, where we had to do photoshoots.

I wasn’t satisfied with my pose. I didn’t fully like the poses I made. It was just another case of “Fake It Till You Make It”. And as compared to the outfits that my fellow junior councillors wore, I might rank myself last… relatively. I think they see it as either too simple or too over the top. I can’t pinpoint.

They have cars. I could have. They have nice poses. I could have. They have nice faces. I could have.

Or maybe I’m just giving myself unnecessary criticism?

Regardless, this means that all the ffort I am doing now is still lacking.

As my mom said when I was telling this whole story to her,

You have been working hard, and wasting time on fruitless activites, but you have no wits

Unfortunately, in this life, wits are important.

I want to be better so bad. I want to see a better version of myself everyday.

Also I’m still in college culture shock, this time, my mother’s attitude towards my recent extracurricular activities. Yes, she supports me just enough during high school.

But this time, when I had to go to school because of not-really-important-to-school duties (CEATSG), she didn’t protest or bug me down.

I can’t pinpoint.

Ooh I also went home using the long method, which uses jeepneys, it took me five jeepneys to get home, which is uncommon for the daily commuter, but I am no daily commuter.

I can plot it out:

  1. La Salle Gate to Pala-pala
  2. Pala-pala to GMA
  3. GMA to Olivarez
  4. Olivarez to Balibago Complex
  5. Balibago Complex to Pulo

Exhausting for today, but worth it because of the exploration. Oh and I think it is Binan Day, whcih might explain the lack of traffic through the city streets, therefore enabling my fast journey (sub 2 hours)